The Art of Humane Rejections/Declinations

As many of you may recall, I recently posted a note to the group titled "Fear And Risk". The sense I was trying to convey in that post was the need, - the absolute urgent need - for us to become "expert askers".

I believe firmly that we need to practice asking much as a musician needs to practice scales before performing.

Yet, with that belief being firmly established in my views about networking, I also think we should applaud those people who know how to structure a humane rejection or declination when we find ourselves asking things prematurely or immaturely.

Thus, I wanted to provide you with an example of a humane rejection I received from someone that had so much of the right stuff in it, that I must admit, it made me smile - not because I love being rejected - but, rather, because there's no indication in the rejection that he was rejecting or devaluing me as a human being.

So, with approval of the gentleman who rejected my request, I want to share with you the note below. Not one note has been changed in it. And bear in mind, I like this rejection not because of its diction or grammatical superiority or any other such linguistic superficiality. I like it because I knew something of the person rejecting me - having seen him give and give and give of himself in another group he and I have belonged to for about 4 or 5 years. And sure enough one of my favorite givers demonstrated that his giving comes from a genuine, an authentically humane place inside. And in addition to the rejection below, he's also done favors for me that he's completely unaware of. I will never fault myself for trying to accelerate a friendship with such an authentically humane man and absolve myself of all shame for my premature attempt.
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"I will be more than happy to write an endorsement for you. In order to do you justice though, I think it wise to wait a bit so I get to know you and what you are most effective in even better.
To accelerate this, I will read all I can about you in your forum and elsewhere.
Thank you for all of your support and efforts on my behalf. I hope you see value for your investment in the near future."
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That's the entirety of the rejection.

And though it's short, the sense of of sheer thoughtfulness in it makes me want to roll my sleeves up to befriend my rejector whenever he needs any support I can provide.

I want to be clear that I'm saying this not as a sycophant but rather as someone who appreciates the strength it takes to be a gentleman in an age when being a gentleman seems to be a dying badge of honor.

Thank you!
Vincent Wright
Moderator
3.16.2005